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At the beginning of every school year, children make their self-portraits here. When my older one drew his self-portrait successively in the second year of his school life, I questioned myself, what was the intention of drawing a self-portrait every single year? Then I looked at those self-portraits carefully, and it all started making sense to me.

Every year the portrait would be different from the previous year’s version. The same kid may even use a completely different combination of colors, different strokes, and different imaginations of him/herself. The colors, strokes, patterns, and every detail of the portraits define what they think they really are. The intention of making self-portraits is to empower the inner self, to define ourselves, and to get to know who we are, and what our characteristics are. This exercise is to boost self-esteem and to know our self-worth.

We usually say every single day is children’s character-building day. We discussed above how magnificently they capture their own definition in form of self-portraits. They can introspect and their portraits reflect what they think they are. They are still learning about themselves, right? What about us, grownups, do we know who we are? Do we know our self-worth?

I think, getting to know ourselves, is a crucial thing. But it has been noticed that this is where most of us lack. Let’s think this way, we have valuable gold jewelry that we would like to sell but we don’t know its price. What would happen? We would agree with what others think about its price should be. We, humans, are more valuable than any commodity. If we do not know about our own selves, then we might start getting agreed with what others think about us! It would only be fitting to say here – we might be drawing our self-portrait, but it would not be entirely ours; it would be colored by someone else’s colored pens.

Self-worth is a substantial element of our mindset and overall health. So, what is self-worth?

According to the APA dictionary self-worth is an individual’s evaluation of himself or herself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration. Self-worth helps us develop a high sense of self-confidence, boost self-esteem, improve decision-making, and improve relationships. When there is a lack of self-worth, there is plenty of self-doubts. In a state of self-doubt, we start criticizing ourselves, which would lead to a lack of confidence and poor decision-making. In this state, we start getting agreed by what others think about us and forget our own identity.

Let me tell you a short story that I heard in my childhood. This is a story about two neighbors. Both the neighbors could see each other’s patio glass door. One of the neighbors bought beautiful vibrant colored curtains. When he was installing those on his patio door panel, the other neighbor was looking through his patio glass door. He disapproved of his neighbor’s choice of curtains. He found those curtains were too dirty to buy in the first place. He told his neighbor upfront that his curtains were not looking great, and he should return them. The neighbor was disheartened as he liked his curtains, but he also was affected by his neighbor’s opinion. He thought, “Everyone might be thinking how careless I am who cannot even see the dirt on the curtain before buying from the store. I should have carefully inspected those before. I will return them and buy another set”. So, the next day, he bought new curtains and install them. His neighbor again was watching from his patio door. This time also he disapproved saying that those were dirty. This kept going on and the poor neighbor kept exchanging his curtains. Then one day, house cleaners came to the other neighbor’s house, and they cleaned his whole house including the patio glass door. That day, when his neighbor installed the curtains, they looked so beautiful and spotlessly clean to him. He appreciated his neighbor’s choice of curtains and stated, “Finally, you got the correct set of curtains!”

The story is simple yet carries a deep meaning within. Some of us get affected by what others think of us. Even if our “curtains” don’t look dirty to us but we still keep on changing them because we give power to others’ approval over our own selves. What’s worth noticing here is that their own glass door might be dirty, through which they observe us and give their approval, their validation, their opinion!

Thus, it is important to have a high sense of self-worth. We cannot control everyone to give opinions on us, but what we can do is stop getting affected by those opinions. When we value ourselves, we respect ourselves then others’ opinions won’t bother us. We might humbly say, “It is your opinion”, smile and ignore it completely”.

How can we improve Self-Worth?

• Positive self-talk: Knowingly or unknowingly we often talk negatively about ourselves. Sometimes we are very critical of ourselves. “I don’t deserve to be here”, “They are better than me, how would I fit in here!”, and “I am not worth it” are fewer examples of negative self-talk. That is where we start giving value to others’ opinions. Instead practice positive affirmations such as, “I deserve to be here”, “I will keep trying, and I am fitting in here.”
• Try not to nitpick on flaws while taking compliments: Sometimes we are self-critical while taking compliments. If someone appreciates us, rather than accepting and taking it nicely we start putting all our attention on what we might have done wrong. Unachievable high self-expectations lead to nitpicking flaws at the time of receiving appreciations which diminish our self-image and lower self-esteem.
• Don’t criticize: Overall, criticism is harmful to mental and social health. When we start criticizing ourselves, we damage our self-image and lower our value. We should not feel bad about ourselves. We might get confused here thinking that we are humans, we are not perfect, and how can we stop criticizing? Yes, we all have some areas of growth and improvement, and we should work on those. But does that mean we should be self-critic and demean ourselves for having areas of improvement? Thus, self-realization is good to have but self-criticism is a detrimental trait. As it’s quoted, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay
• Practice meditation to start noticing how our thoughts are getting influenced by others. Daily meditation practice would help to get to know the inner self, give inner strength, help disassociate oneself from negative opinions, boost self-esteem, and improve self-worth.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

Respect yourself, value yourself!

Thanks

Mridulika