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The word is very simple yet powerful and often confusing to most of us. To be very honest it is mostly taken negatively. Until a couple of years back, I used to think detachment means keeping yourself away from materialistic noise. I used to think that it is an “I don’t care” feeling. The feeling that is not easily socially acceptable. I had this impression that detachment encourages insensitivity and aloofness, and it keeps us away from the complexity of relationships. I never put a lot of effort into understanding the deeper meaning of it. But I always wanted to understand this a little more.

So, what is “Detachment”? According to the dictionary, the word detachment means “the state of being objective or aloof”. It sounds negative! Looking at the literal meaning of detachment made me think that people who practice detachment would be the ones who don’t care about their loved ones. I am happy to realize that I was mistaken, and this is not the true meaning of detachment at all.

True detachment doesn’t mean being aloof or selfish. In fact, it’s the opposite of that. It’s the state of selflessness. Detachment means don’t be driven by something which is owned by you. Detachment is not the disconnection from life or feelings rather it is the disconnection from the outcomes. According to Bhagavat Gita, Krishna tells Arjun that acting with detachment means doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without worrying about success or failure.

But again, does this mean detachment means being indifferent? The simple answer is, No. Being indifferent means having no compassion or sympathy toward others. Indifference and detachment are two completely different states of mind. Detachment teaches you how to selflessly help others and care for them without being judgmental. Whereas being indifferent is a selfish act, and nothing grows in it but sadness.

As Gandhi said:

“Detachment is not indifference. it is the prerequisite for effective involvement. Often what we think is best for others is distorted by our attachments to our opinions. We want others to be happy in the way we think they should be happy. It is only when we want nothing for ourselves that we are able to see clearly into others needs and understand how to serve them.” Mahatma Gandhi.

We search for happiness outside and it lies within us. Practicing detachment is one step toward making life happier. There are so many things we are attached to. Materialistically and emotionally. We can be attached to thoughts, persons, jobs, roles, power, things, etc. Let’s take a small example. We are used to our mobile phones every day. Some of us are “attached” to them. If we are asked to keep our phones away from us for just 1 whole day. What kind of feelings we might be experiencing in those 24 hours? Disconnection, anxiety, missing out, maybe sadness. Why? Because we are attached to the material. We are driven by something that we own! Whereas if we practice detachment, keeping it away for a few hours won’t affect us.

Let’s take another example. We work very hard to prepare a presentation. Alongside working very hard on the presentation, we also work on something else: “An expectation”. The expectation from others: everyone in the meeting must like what we had prepared. This very thought is now “attached” to us. In reality, of course, everyone will have different opinion, and some might not even like the presentation. This attachment is going to give the feelings such as ego, anxiety, tension, anger, jealousy, and pride. My friends, no happy feeling come out of this.

How can we start practicing detachment? Detachment starts with closely observing our inner self. What kind of thoughts do we process? When we observe ourselves closely, we will get to know that almost every negative feeling has an “attachment” associated with it. We just need to disassociate them. Daily meditation practice not only keeps our mind focused, but also helps keep away negative thoughts and patterns. Practicing mindfulness – living in the moment. When we become mindful, we get involved being with our thoughts as they are, neither holding them nor pushing them away. Thus, living in the moment prevents us from being “attached” to how things should be.

Detachment is a beautiful state of mind that can boost positivity, and self-confidence, and cultivate health, happiness, joy, selflessness, and compassion.

“Great calm, generous detachment, selfless love, disinterested effort: these are what make for success in life. If you can find peace in yourself and can spread comfort around you, you will be happier than an empress.”: Rabindranath Tagore.

Thanks

Mridulika