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Reminiscing my childhood, we used to have a lesson in civics where we study about civilization. All of our necks were swayed from one corner of a room to the other, in an effort of making sense of this famous phrase – “Man is a social animal”.  Some of us laughed silently and cracked jokes about the “animal” part of the phrase, while our teacher put an effort into explaining that to us. That is childhood – we all cracked such kinds of jokes at that time, didn’t we!

Anyways, if we look at the phrase carefully, the human species are social beings. We strive to look for company; to be with someone, to have a great time, and to share our feelings.

Indubitably, connecting with people is a great feeling of joy. With the company of good friends, we could find, peace, relaxation, happiness, and laughter. There is no question about the benefits of having good friends around us. We feel blissful. Our time just flies, hanging out with them. That is true, right? Profound feeling! We all should cherish those moments; I am sure we all do.

But what if we are not able to connect with anyone, what if we are alone? We are the only company to ourselves!

A lot of us faced this reality when the pandemic hit us all. The reality is that– we were supposed to live alone for quite a long period. We were supposed to live with a lot of social limitations. No social meetings were allowed, social distancing was in place, and whatnot; we all faced it. We were our own company.

Before the pandemic, a lot of us were extremely busy with our professional and social life. Living with ourselves was new for most of us and it slowly became the “new normal”. I think, for a couple of us, it was a bit petrifying to go into such a situation.

What’s interesting or shall I say the “scary” fact is, most of us don’t like the company of ourselves! Yes, it’s been noticed that we feel reluctant to spend a few hours with the very person, with whom we spend our whole life – “ourselves”. We can spend hours and hours with a group of good friends, but a few alone minutes at home might frighten us. Thus, in those moments of being alone, a lot of us feel “lonely”. Loneliness is an unpleasant state of mind, in which one feels utter grief, or sometimes depression, mostly due to a lack of social life (though, for some, loneliness could also be experienced while surrounded by people.).

It is absolutely necessary, to have a social life. But at the same time, it is equally important to not forget to live with ourselves.

Let us think, why do a couple of us feel lonely in the moments of staying alone? Some of us might say, “We definitely can’t stay alone. If we are not occupied with our work, we might want to hang out.” “We want something to keep us busy, and we can’t find anything at home!” “We need someone in the house to be around; if no one talks, we might put on T.V. in the background – not necessarily for the entertainment, just to have a feeling that there is someone with us.” “I might spend my time binge-watching the T.V. the whole time until I doze off, or find other distractions, or I might visit someone.” etc., etc.

Those are a few examples of regular conversations that we listen to every day. What is common in all those examples is that we are avoiding being with our inner selves!

So, the question here is why are we avoiding being with our inner selves?

Let’s try to think this way, why do we strive for a social gathering? Because we feel happy, busy, joyful, and accepted – all good, positive feelings, correct? Wonderful! Also, when we are surrounded by people, or binging T.V., or on social media: we do not need to deal with our inner thoughts. We can easily avoid facing them.

Now let’s look at the other side, when we are alone, what feelings occupy our mind? For a couple of us, the emotions and thoughts that we encounter, aren’t always pretty. When we are not occupied with our regular job, of course, a lot of thoughts and emotions occupy our mind space. In a typical day, thousands of thoughts come into the human brain. It is quite possible that those may be… intense negative feelings, worrisome thoughts, or feelings that we don’t want to handle.

When we are alone, usually, our thoughts belong to three categories- past, future, or present. If we have some unpleasant memories attached to our past, we won’t like those emotions and wouldn’t like facing them. Thus, we get worried about staying alone thinking that past memories might torment us. We have worries about the future and its uncertainty.  Basically, we are trying to avoid staying “alone” because we are not able to deal with our thoughts and our emotions, in that state.

My friends, being alone is not a punishment, rather it is a gift. We need to change our perception. The glory and strength of being alone is solitude.

Solitude – it is the state of being alone without feeling lonely. It allows us to know ourselves, to strive to be with ourselves, and not to worry when we encounter negative thoughts but to gracefully face them and deal with them. Solitude is the glorious state of being peaceful and satisfied by just being with ourselves.

Some of the known benefits of practicing solitude include – lowering stress levels, improving mental health, improving relationships, increasing creativity, and overall well-being.

“The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulate the creative mind.” – Albert Einstein

“The best thinking has been done in solitude.”– Thomas A. Edison

Practicing solitude can be a life skill, how to practice it?

1. Know yourself: The first thing is to learn about ourselves, what we like, and what we don’t like, and accept our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Most of the time we are good at knowing other people. Unknowingly, we adopt their emotions, their feelings, and sometimes their personality traits too! Self-exploration is a prime thing to work on. When we are alone, there is absolutely no one to judge us. We need to introspect ourselves. We can work on our own likings, interests, and our hobbies. We can work on our problems, without any social boundaries or influences.
2. Self-care activities or alone-time activity: Social media, and binging on TV, are usually not considered as qualitative alone time since our own self gets distracted from itself. Find a time for a self-care, social media-free hobby like going out in nature, painting, or reading a book – some activity that helps connect us with ourselves.
3. Accept emotions and thoughts: As we discussed earlier while being alone, we face, thousands of thoughts. For a couple of us, the biggest blocker to staying away from being alone is facing challenging thoughts. We should learn how to accept emotions and thoughts without self-judgment. This can be achieved through meditation and integrative emotion regulation.
4. Meditation: Meditation offers numerous benefits for your mental health. It lowers stress, helps us connect with ourselves, increases focus, and cultivates self-acceptance.
5. Balance the solitude:  As stated earlier “Man is a social animal 😊.” We should find a balance in both: social time, and alone time. Both are equally important.

“Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.” – Paulo Coelho

References:

1. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fqup0000218
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/solitude-in-social-world/202202/8-ways-embrace-solitude
3. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/solitude-tips-from-a-solo-sailing-expert#Steps-to-help-you-embrace-solitude
4. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31113502/